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Excerpt from a Dog's Diary
8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Ate some crap... Delicious!
10:30 a.m. Getting rubbed and petted! I'm in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!
1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!
3:00 p.m. Staring adoringly at my people...they're the best!
I'll wag my tail in joy.
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I'm bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milkbones! Great!
7:00 p.m. Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my people! Heavenly!
11:00 p.m. Sleeping on the bed! Life is soooooooo great!
Excerpt from a Cat's Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to
taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh
meat, while the
other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry
nuggets. Although
I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear,
I nevertheless must
eat something in order to keep up my strength. The
only thing that
keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt
to disgust them, I
once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless
body at their feet.
I had hoped this would strike fear into their
hearts, since it clearly
demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they
merely made
condescending comments about what a "good little
hunter" I am. The audacity!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices
tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of
the event. However, Icould hear the noises and smell the food. I
overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I
must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to
assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was
walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced
that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
snitches.
The dog
receives special privileges. He is regularly
released - and seems to be
more than willing to return. He is obviously
retarded.
The bird has got
to be an informant. I observe him communicate with
the guards
regularly. I am certain that he reports my every
move. My captors have
arranged protective custody for him in an elevated
cell, so he is safe...for now
But I can wait.
It is only a matter of time.
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