Signs Your Cat has Learned Your Computer Password

E-Mail flames from some guy named "Fluffy." Traces of kitty litter in your keyboard. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like alt.recreational.catnip. Your mouse has teeth marks in it ... and a strange aroma of tuna. Hate-mail messages to Apple Computer Corp. about their release of "CyberDog." Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it. You keep finding new software around your house like CatinTax and WarCat II. On IRC you're known as the IronMouser.

Politically Correct Terms for Cat Owners

My cat does not barf hairballs, he is a floor/rug redecorator. My cat does not break things, she helps gravity do its job. My cat does not fear dogs, they are merely sprint practice tools. My cat does not gobble, she eats with alacrity. My cat does not scratch, he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator. My cat is not a "shedding machine", she is a hair relocation stylist. My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile", she enjoys the proximity of food. My cat is not a chatterbox, she is advising me on what to do next. My cat is not a dope addict, she is catnip appreciative. My cat is not a ruthless hunter, she is a wildlife control expert. My cat is not evil, she is badness enhanced. My cat is not fat, he is mass enhanced. My cat is not hydrophobic, she has an inability to appreciate moisture. My cat is not underfoot, she is shepherding me to my next destination (which should always be the food dish).

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A Cat's Sense

Toonces the Driving Cat (see videos) Saturday Night Live  (Wickipedia) A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that darn thing on the phone, I'm lost! and need directions!" FlickR.com

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