All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From a Cow

Wake up in a happy mooo-d Don't cry over spilled milk. When chewing your cud, remember: There's no fat, no calories, no cholesterol, and no taste! The grass is green on the other side of the fence. Turn the udder cheek and mooo-ve on. Seize every opportunity and milk it for all its worth! It's better to be seen and not herd. Honor thy fodder and thy mother and all your udder relatives. Never take any bull from anybody. Always let them know who's the bossy. Stepping on cowpies brings good luck. Black and white is always an appropriate fashion statement. Don't forget to cow-nt your blessings every day.

Everything I Really Need to Know I Learned From Noah's Ark

Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something Really big. Don't listen to critics. Do what has to be done. Build on the high ground. For safety's sake, travel in pairs. Two heads are better than one. Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board, but so were the snails. If you can't fight or flee.....float. Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth. Don't forget that we're all in the same boat. When the doo-doo gets really deep, don't sit there and complain--shovel! Stay below deck during the storm. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs & the Titanic was built by professionals. If you have to start over, have a friend by your side. Remember that the woodpeckers INSIDE are often a bigger threat than the storm outside. No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the other side. DON'T MISS THE BOAT !!!!

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